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The Greatest Orange is the New Black Quotes

Orange is the New Black Quotes

Netflix Original dramedy Orange is the New Black is filled with many awesome characters. With such awesome characters there are bound to be awesome quotes. Read our list of some of the best Orange is the New Black quotes.

Orange is the New Black Quotes

“Bitches gots to learn.” — Piper Chapman
“Two speeds in my yard: Walk and shuffle.” — Pornstache

“I’m not crazy, I’m chosen.” — Tiffany Doggett

“I want the kind of job where I could just chill, you know.” — Poussey

“Why would I want a felonious, former lesbian, WASP, Shiksa, about to go to prison, to marry me? ” — Larry Bloom

“Would it help if I used a deeper voice? ‘Move along, Sister.'” — Susan

“Yeah, well… you’re fat!” — Tricia Miller

“Yo, yo My name is Leanne and I got game We’re here in Litchfield and it’s kind of lame This rapping thing don’t seem so hard Ain’t like I’m a fucking retard!” — Leanne Taylor

“You’re one Cheerio in the bulk box of life.” — Nicky

“I have been here for less than two weeks. I’ve been starved out, felt up, teased, stalked, threatened, and called Taylor Swift.” — Piper Chapman

“No, i-i-i-it comes in two stages — if you study your shit! The first one was a spiritual rapture, and the second one comin’ is a physical one, okay? And you’re not invited, because they don’t allow gay people on the rapture bus!” — Tiffany Doggett

“Oh my god Larry. By the time I get out, there’ll have been like three new generations of iPhone.” — Piper Chapman

“Maybe I’ll Pinterest. I hear that’s a thing.” — Lorna Morello

orange is the new black quotes

Orange is the new Black quotes continued

“It’s like the Hamptons, only fuckin’ horrible” — Nicky

“Before I met you the sun was like a yellow grape. But now, it looks like fire in the sky. Why? Because you light a fire inside me” — Suzanne Crazy Eyes

“The drink that I gave you has helped women in my family dookie for 14 generations.” — Gloria

“Rule number one, don’t ever fall in love with a straight girl.” — Alex Vause

“You’re not like The Wizard of Oz! You’re like the Wizard of … God!” — Leanne Taylor

“I’m just a simple woman, doing the work of the lord.” — Tiffany Doggett

“I used to think you were a pretty yellow dandelion, now I just know you’re a mean one with all the puff blown off.” — Crazy eyes.

“What do you want? A medal? A sticker that says, ‘Great Job’?” — Red

“Yeah, problems are problems, yo. We all make bad choices. Just some of us got different bad choices to make.” — Tricia Miller

“You’re like a pedophile without the sex.” — Poussey

“I’m missing half my zucchini. These girls don’t realize I’m here to provide food, not dildos. I’m all out of cucumbers, carrots, beets — God knows what they’re doing with those. I can’t hold on to anything cock-shaped.” — Red

orange is the new black quotes

“I always miss you until you’re here. Then I realize the mom I miss must have been someone I invented when I was a kid” — Nicky

“If only my nipples smelled like marzipan.” — Larry Bloom

“No; Fuck, not gay. The stache is not for fags. It’s for fuckin’ men. It’s fuckin’ all beef. Fuckin’ cunt-rammin’ awesome.” — Pornstache

“I got laid.” — John Bennett

“How about we both say a little prayer that she gets fat and stops shaving her legs.” — Nicky

“They pop out of the trunk of a car and learn to fry an egg; God bless America.” — Red

“Next time, just sit on her face. It shuts her right up.” — Nicky

“This shit, that shit, blue shit, bat shit. It doesn’t matter what you do, it’s the doin’ that makes you dirty.” – Pornstache

“Come be my little spoon.” — Alex Vause

“Cause you so much as even squawk about God in here, and you get thrown in with the Looney Toons.” — Tiffany Doggett

“Ya’ll there is a main coochie hole and then there’s, like, another little hole just for pee.” — Poussey

“We’re not talking about Bat Cave-level secrecy here.” — Nicky

“Am I supposed to prison-fight an Old Russian lady with back problems?” — Piper Chapman

“I don’t fuck dudes for Big Macs.” — Dayanara Diaz

orange is the new black quotes

“The second you’re preceived as weak, you already are.” — Red

“You know what I gotta do. She disrespected me. Now, I’m gonna have to kill her.” — Tiffany Doggett

“(talking about Toy Story) Hey, did you ever see that movie – the one where there’s the cowboy and he’s, like, the king of the castle? And then this astronaut shows up and he tries to take over, so the cowboy attempts to murder him, but, instead, the astronaut is taken hostage by, like, this evil psychopath and the cowboy has to rescue him and then they end up becoming really good friends?” — Lorna Morello

“Are you finished? You’re starting to sound finished.” — Red

“This is all just a big adventure with liver and Yoga Jones and racism.” — Larry Bloom

“Fuck diamonds, I got spinach!” — Dayanara Diaz

“You’ve gotta hit rock bottom before you know which direction to go in.” — Red

“No tongue fucking in the visitation room.” — Pornstache

“We all in here because we took a wrong turn going to church!” — Poussey

“I’m an angel of God. I mean, look at my dress.” — Tiffany Doggett

Orange is the New Black Quotes

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